"Monologues of a restless mind" by Baran

It’s 2, leave me alone, I want to sleep, can’t, am expecting the phone call, constantly waiting for the sharp ring to break the midnight’s silence. You and a couple of friends are watching a movie, probably drinking beer, with chips and salsa dip on the table, half empty, don’t want to call you, what can you tell me, I know it will happen, I am waiting for it, it’s awfully quiet tonight, it can’t go on like this till morning, oh, come on, don’t leave it for morning, you know how I hate those that happen just before 8, don’t ruin my day, but you will anyway, can feel you rushing in the street, worried, dizzy and numb, your mind blocked by pain, or are you there? On the street? Maybe just three levels below me, surrounded by fluorescent lights, you’re sitting among all the little chests, trying to breathe hard, sucking whatever air they can get, may be you too knew, are you waiting with me? Don’t you want it deep down? Somewhere hidden in all your sleepless pain, among all longings, isn’t there a small knot, one that you don’t dare to open, a simple wish, one that you can’t confess to, oh come on, let it happen now, I need to sleep, I want to be the happy girl going back home, I want to cook food and call up the gang, can’t tell you, you’ll be too distressed to hear it, but you’ll see it in my eyes, you’ll ask me again, bad night, huh? And I’ll say, the usual stuff, then you give me a look, that familiar look:” please don’t tell me about it, I don’t want to know the details.” and I’ll give you the look:” Oh let me talk, it’s burning, I can’t stand this heaviness in my chest, let me pour it out.” You’ll look down, at some vague point on the ground, and I’ll ask you what you want for dinner, why don’t they call me? Is it going to be you? You dear little precious one? There was nobody by your side today, are they looking after you? Why didn’t they come today? Don’t worry little one, maybe it’s too painful for them, they are not that strong right now, you understand, don’t you? I explained it all for you today, were you listening to me or were you day dreaming, floating in that little unknown world of yours, you’ll be ok, won’t you? You’ll breath regularly and deeply till morning, I’ll come to see you then, can’t come now, need to sleep, should cook for the gang tomorrow night you know, need to dance, to get drunk, to cry suddenly in the middle of dancing, and I need all my energy to keep silent, resist the temptation of telling all the little details, all the little details of the procedures we did to save you, what time is it, 2:30 , long way till morning, how was the movie, is it done? But you won’t call me anyways, you think that I am either asleep or wide awake working at this moment, when I cry, you’ll hold me tight, nobody will stop dancing, when you’re drunk you’ll hardly pay attention to these things, or maybe they are used to it, or they just understand it, but don’t know what to do or what to say, so they just pretend they don’t hear it, they don’t see it, and we’ll all continue dancing, me in your arms, silent, trembling , you, patient, kind, silent, when are they going to call me?...hey wake up, wake up, it’s a nightmare, force myself to open my eyes, to get that picture out of my mind, your little darling face turning blue, your little delicate chest struggling for air, and I open my eyes, there it is, the sharp ring breaking the damned silence, my hand on the phone with the first ring, take a deep breath girl, here comes the second ring, now you can take it.
-“Yes I’ll be there right away.”