معانى در ما هم مى خورند و ما هر کدام از اين آب ماهى مى گيريم و آن وقت به هر کداممان بگويند ماهى را تعريف کن، ماهى را آنچه در دستمان است تعريف مى کنيم، اگر سبز و کوچک باشد، ماهى يعنى جانور سبز و کوچکى که در آب شنا مى کند، و اگر ماهى دست ديگرى را هم ديده باشيم، تعريف ماهى مى شود، موجودى در آب که يا سبز و کوچک است، يا زرد و بنفش و بزرگ و همينطور پيش مى رود...و اين اشتباه نيست، شايد فقط کامل نباشد...اما هر انسانى راه را از ديد خود تعريف مى کند، اما اغراق نيست، به تعداد آدمها راه هست.........
من از ترس عبور کرده م و ردى از ترس در خودم دارم، من از انکار عبور کرده م و شايد ردى از انکار هنوز درم مانده باشد، من از خفقان،از مرگ، از شادى، از هيجان، از مبارزه ، از خستگى، از آرزو...از زندگى رد شده م و از هر کدام ردى درم مانده است، گاهى کمرنگتر، گاهى پهن و پر رنگ...آنوقت براى خودم آرام آرام راهى تصور کرده م، راهى که شايد آهسته است و گاهى نرم است خيلى، اما دست کم اميدى دارم که ادامه ش بدهم، هرچند که حتى از آن هم مطمئن نيستم، اما خوب در دنياى ما همه چيز نسبى است...و بعد براى خودم خط قرمزهايى تعريف کرده م، اما فقط براى خودم، بعضى هاشان برايم ارزش انسانى دارند، و در تعريف من از ماهى کوچکم نقش دارند و شايد سعى کرده م تعربفم را آنقدر بزرگ کنم که خيلى ماهيهاى ديگر هم درش جا مى شوند...اما يکسرى خط قرمزهايى دارم که کمکم مى کنند احتمال اينکه راهم را ادامه بدهم بيشتر بشود...شايد در من هيچ دغدغه يى قويتر از اينکه آدمها و سرزمينى که دوست دارم را در دست کم شرايط انسانى ببينم نباشد، شايد در هيچ موردى اينقدر با آدمها بحث نکرده باشم يا عصبى نشده باشم يا نلرزيده باشم "بايد کارى کرد"...و مى خواهم برگردم،...مى خواهم آنچه که در تمام سالهاى زندگيم ياد گرفته م را به کار ببندم...اين همان بحث شيرين عبادى در اشل خيلى کوچکتر است، اينکه من نمى فهمم آدمها چطور مى توانند اينقدر راحت اين همه بد و بيراه به او بگويند و حتى انتظارهايى خنده دار از او داشته باشند، در حاليکه تا همين جا هم کارهايش "در اشل انسانى، نه قهرمان پروري" از خيلى از حرفهاى بزرگ تاثيرش بيشتر بوده...از خيلى از حرفهاى تند که جوابهاى تند به همراه داردو آنوقت چرخه يى درست مى شود که در انتهايش خستگى و نابودى است، يا در نهايت چه؟ انقلاب؟تغييرات بزرگ و تند؟ من به تغييرات بزرگ و تغييراتى که سرعتشان بيشتر از توان دريافت گيرنده باشد اعتقادى ندارم...من حرکت آهسته و تا حد ممکن پيوسته را ترجيح مى دهم،...حرکتى که اصولى باشد، ريشه يى را آرام آرام تغيير بدهد که آن ريشه بماند ...حرکتى که از خودم و آدمهاى دور و برم شروع شود، دوستانم، مريضها و همکارانم...تعبير جالبى است تخم کسى را گرفتن و گفتن که سوت بزن! اما قضيه ماهيها اينجا هم صدق مى کند...زمانى که تو درگير حرکات تند و احساسى شوى( که به نظرم بهايش مى تواند خيلى بيشتر از تاثيرش باشد گاهى) آنوقت از ديد من يکى تخمت را گرفته و بهت مى گه سوت بزن..کنترل کردن از ديد من يعنى يکعده نيروى خلاق و جوان را فرارى بدهى، و کارى کنى که ديگر نخواهند برگردند و سوت زدنشان بشود احساساتى که هر روز تند تر و زخم خورده تر مى شود ...سوت زدن مى تواند اين باشد که اعتراضت و احساست را براى عده يى که خودشان هم آن را مى دانند راحت بگويى يا مى تواند اين باشد که :" برگردم و شروع کنم در آن جامعه با تمام گندهايش و بديهايش کار کنم و يک موج کوچک آگاهى و رفاه جسمى (کارى که قرار است من بلد باشم بکنم) در خودم و آدمهايى که مى توانم (در اشل انسانى) ايجاد کنم و اميدوار باشم که آخرين دايره هاى موجم مماس شود با موج آدمى ديگر و ديگر و ديگر..." و يادت هست که هم ماهى کوچک سبز ماهى است هم ماهى زرد و بنفش بزرگ هم...بار ديگر مفاهيم در ما هم مى خورند و ما ماهى مى گيريم و ماهى را تعريف مى کنيم ...
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5 comments:
very good comment Pezhman! I agree with the writer of this post and also with Ellen Goodman.
But why do we have to censor our thoughts and our speech in order to do something? why should we be always afraid? We should be able to discuss everything that comes to our mind in any way that we like it. But when it comes to act on them, we can rationalize our thoughts!
Our problem is that we are always afraid no matter what. When I compare my Persian friends with American friends I see that Americans are not afraid of saying what is on their mind and also they are not afraid of asking things that they want. But my Persian friends are always weighing their thoughts and requests thinking what might hurt someone! That's why Persians are never free no matter where they are!
Don't be afraid of thinking and saying what's on your mind. Any society that does not allow different thought will never change.
Like Jackal says, we should learn to tolerate each other and that is the biggest step toward having a free country!
ehemm, Leili joon thanks for remembering yours truly (as Bahar always likes to call herself). I'm touched [:D].
Anyhow, about the post, I thought it felt more like a dark satire masked by seriousness or solemness of the article... or perhaps the other way around! [;)]
Oh bugger, I am the only one with a photo here... (and I donno how to change or remove it)
Would others mind adding a nice photograph/portrait of theirselves or perhaps might prefer to remain ... well, without one?
I liked Amir's post, and I agree with Leili more than the writer of this post. Not that she/he was wrong... but how can we think of solving a problem without first knowing and understanding what the problem is? The writer of this post, as far as I understood is older than most of us, and probably doesn't realise the problems (I would call them "Trauma") we, the Children of the Revolution (and oppression) should tackle, even when being lived for a while in a foreign country. Personally, when I came here (Finland), I had a hard time figuring out what the hell is wrong with me. My biggest "cultural shock" was that I can freely laugh in the street and spend time with my friends without being worried of something! Now, you tell me, how can I even think of helping other people having a humane living condition if I even don't allow myself to have such a living condition?
My point is we should be able to discuss about everything (I mean EVERYthing) freely. That's the point about freedom of speech: to understand the problems. And that's why corruption and censorship always come together.
Regarding Leili's comment about why Iranians should always be afraid. Of course they're afraid of SOMEthing... many things... like excommunication [I looked it up in the dictionary; it means "takfir"], being put in jail, being mysteriously killed, etc, etc (not to mention numerous fears that the media induces in people and those people, themselves, develop to adapt to their abnormal, deformed society). Americans and Europeans have also experienced such fears, but long times ago.
Incidentally, the original post of this thread sounds amazingly like the way my mother writes! I don't mean every single aspect of his/her opinion, but the way of thinking... like "there are as many paths as there are human beings" and so on. :-)
There were some facts pointed out here that I can’t agree more but couple of things remains still vague to me by this anonymous post: why should someone take my post as a sign of affliction from living in a supposedly malfunction society? It is simply the result of observation and studying. The other issue was relating my (preferably) sociological post to nationalism. I had no specific country and religion in mind while writing that post; inspiration was the act of one the invitees who left the web log; strange enough most of the ideas are developed when a missioner tried to convert me for a course of one year and failed to answer almost any question. There should be a mutual respect which allows us to communicate without misunderstanding and I hope we can have an atmosphere in this web log where we can convey our thoughts freely.
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