Monday, August 28, 2006
no title#3
After her death Anna used to come back a lot. She would just sit on the old sofa for hours, looking at the house or outside the window, several hours without a blink, or she would walk in the balcony in front of the house, back and forth , looking at the deserted road. Nothing had changed since her death 3 months ago, everything was in the same place, even the dirty plates where still in the kitchen. The candle had burnt till it had reached the candle stick, it took two and a half days for it to burn out. Pablo stayed home for those two and a half days. He sat on the old sofa, staring at the burning candle. The house was silent. Anna was on the bed, dead. It was an expected death, after a long coarse of illness. Anna had accepted its ever approaching presence, Pablo had not. It was a late Monday evening, Pablo put the plates on the table, lit up the candle, it was the last candle he found in the cabinet, he put it in the candle stick and threw the box away. Pablo called Anna. Anna came into the room, with light steps, wearing her turquoise blue dress. She looked like a fake picture in the silent house, a pretty fake picture. They sat behind the table. Anna did not eat much. Later the only thing Pablo did was to throw the food left in Anna’s plate away. He knew the smell would be unbearable. Pablo sat there on the old Sofa for two and a half days. From there he could see Anna lying on the bed. The house smelled of Anna’s perfume, before lying on the bed, she had stumbled over, and the perfume had fallen on the ground; it was broken. Pablo did not notice it then, he was humming a song about blue birds flying over never ending roads. After the candle burned out, Pablo stood up, he went into the balcony, he walked in the balcony, back and forth for four and a half days. In the middle of the fifth day, he went behind the bedroom’s window and gazed into the empty room; nothing had changed, the room was as tidy as always. Pablo looked at the road, the empty road. He came down the steps and stepped on the road…his figure getting smaller and smaller. Anna stared at Pablo’s vanishing figure from the old sofa ,it took a month for Pablo to get completely out of Anna’s sight, then Anna stood up and came to the balcony.
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2 comments:
The idea was very unique!
I like the way you started your story, it was powerful. The body of story was well structured. I feel the ending was missing something, but I cannot put my finger on it. I will think about it.
This story was very good Baran! I'm thinking that I should start looking for a publisher for you!
Very nice idea!
I would have liked it even more, if it were more symmetric... I mean "syntactically" not only "semantically"! 8-}
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