1300 hrs Saturday 12th:
Outside is pretty gloomy and wet and I’m writing from the comfort of my cabin here. There’s something about the colour grey that I find difficult to describe. It feels somehow dreary and cold; yet it’s very real.
I don’t know if you have ever experienced this, but when I come across all the bright and lively colours of red and orange, all the bubbly things, the excitements and amusements, all the happiness and joy that matters; there I sense an element of being momentary and untrue withinside, the feeling of something being deceivingly fabricated to briefly distract me from all the unpleasant reality woven into the very fabric of the existence – like a cheap and trivial conspiracy. Do other people think like that or it’s only me having this phobia for all the earthly pleasures? Is it the result of pessimism and cultural submissiveness that I have accumulated in myself from my people’s heritage of hundreds of years? Is it because I belong in a desert where everybody’s been waiting for the rain (and the light) that never came? Is that why I lost faith?
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4 comments:
Think of blood. It is red, and it is true. May it help you to find your faith back!!! :-S
Very dark!
There is no harm in having a dramatic, pessimist view over life, except for one things: you'll miss half of the reality!!
Siamak is right, blood is very red.
But there are many other colorful happy things: the many colors of flowers, green trees, the blue sky, the green and blue ocean, animals with vivid colors, colors of people's eyes ....
True, we have grown up in the desert of depression! I heard something interesting on BBC the other day: the brain of a depressed person backs up all the happy memories and hide them so that the person cannot access them. So while he may have many happy memories of colorful things, he is unable of being happy because his brain has only left the grey and gloomy data available!
About loosing faith, you got me! Sometimes I think I have given up hope ... and just settled down for a so-so life ...
It would be nice if you write more about faith and hope ....
GREAT posts by the way! keep writing !
Golnaz, I have recently moved out of London (after 3 years)... to an even worse place: Scotland!
Though you had said episodes 1 & 3 are your favorite, I found this last one a real philoso-literal(!) masterpiece.
Leili has pointed out sth about the gloomy brain of the depressed. I totally agree, however from a different POV! Couldn't it be true that those depressed are just normal people comparing to ultra-happy optimists who call themselves normal and keep themselves every right to cure the opposite group?!
I well remember a story named "Enemies of the Sane Society" in which the rulers simply put some people into custody for they were potential(!) terrorists and vandalists according to their positive test results from psycho-physio labs! It finally came out that the fundamental hypothesis was sth wrapped up by a bunch of terrorist scientist mob who wanted to take control of the whole country!!!
Don't you bother at all cuz I've also lost my faith! VIVA GRAY!
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