Most of you know that I refer to myself as "the city gal". I am the woman in the suit that you see on the train home everyday. So, I apologize if this post is breaking the romanc of this blog.
Sunday night I usually entertain myself to some Desperate Housewives. Funny, but to some extent, like Sex'n The City, educational! You ask why? For example, take this week's Gabriel's quote: " I am too hot for you". That is the most practical lesson I have learned about self-confidence. I have been practicing that line, since!
Unfortunately, last weekend, after the Desperate Housewives, the showed a new episode of Nip/Tuck, or as I call it "the freak show"! I take everything in that show with a grain of salt, but when Julia (pregnant) told Sean (husband) that because of the baby's position she can't have sex, something buzzed in my head: "I knew it!". Pregnant sex is a myth! An urban legend!
First of all, how many men get aroused by looking at a huge bump on a woman's body? Thinking that while you are doing it, someone else is there, too is the most "unsexiest" thing I can imagine!
Since Sunday, I have been trying to put 2 and 2 together:
1- 9 months of discomfort, pain and looking like a whale
2- giving birth as if one's vagina is a highway
3- minimum 2 months recovery from birth
4- having to stay at home all day
5- not sleeping for at least 4 month and nursing a crying baby
6- not looking like the young, slim and fit woman
7- husband complaining about lack of sex
8- husband complaining about lack of time with his buddies
9- husband depressed about his new life
10- husband no more interested in the woman that has given birth
Oh my god! Don't tell me I am delusional, because I hear it from guys in their 20s and 30s all the time: "once a woman has given birth, she is barely good for cuddling".
To think of it, now that I still am good looking, young and fit, I can barely find a faithful man, let alone when I am big, tired, with a crying baby in my arms!
Now the goverment keeps wondering why the new generation of women are not having babies!
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13 comments:
hehe
even so, I don't think women care. I don't think we'll care!
Suddenly sex seems like the least important thing on the list!
Men may feel left out, because they can never completely share the whole magic of giving birth. But if we help them feel the process more and more, I'm sure they won't care that much about sex either.
I think men take hidden pride having women carry their children. I think they'll get to love the mother of their children more than their mere partner. I think they'll love to take care of her and provide for her and even have sex with her to please her.
It has to be this way. It's the only natural thing. Otherwise women wouldn't go through the painful thing so often. Behind every happy pregnant woman and new mother is a very caring man and father. And I see so may of them around!
Reading the pots was frustrating
How could you judges that way about men?
I tell you how you can do it
When YOU self coordinate yourself
When YOU surround your only input to TV shows and Hollywood,
When YOU think that the only way to look GOOD is to be young and fit
My words look nasty, but how could I not say anything and just watching and reading it
Let’s put 2 and 2 together one more time:
1- 9 month of carrying an angle, another life, the sprit of cleanness and happiest
2- opening the doors of heaven, giving life, giving life, giving life
3- being 2 months, days and nights with an angle, hearing the breath, watching the blinks, every moment, every second,
4- preparing a world of wish and hope of future, giving the ability to fly
5- Staying awake all nights, sense of feeding the life to somebody’s mouth,
6- Looking at the most happiest, calmest, prettiest creature in the world that has generated by you
7- Husband massaging your shoulder, holding your back, and kissing your head
8- Husband spending more time with you an baby, working restless, coming soon from work, staying all night beside you and baby, leaving to work tired and sleepy next day, but full of energy and help.
9- Husband happy, like he has never been happier than this, like he has never had something better than this. he and her wife found a new meaning of everything, they found the ROOT.
10- Husband are envy of the ability and love of mother. Now he believes that the women and girls are the strongest kindest creatures in the world. He pray the women, he respect them. Their ability, power and spirit. He learns the real feeding is not bringing money; the real feeding is injecting the life to somebody’s spirit.
Coincidentally, I've been thinking about all these things for the past few weeks, or maybe even for the past few years!
Last weekend though, something happened. I stopped thinking. I reached the status of CERTAINTY. And you know what? I think I finally know the end of my "Childless" story.
Mehrdad,
I beg to differ. Why? Because every time a young and good looking woman passes by in a mall, or on the street, all the men turn around and look.
Why do we hear stories of men having an affair when their wives become pregnant? (usually with the younger and good looking secretary!)
That's how I know they like it.
I wish it was all about love and commitment. Life would be much easier to figure out, that way!
ms.b.,
Weren't there even one exception ?
Ms.B you're not delusional, you're insecure:)...and guess what we all are. It's been quite a while that I've been thinking about the role of this feeling of "insecurity" in whatever we do, we think, we say, or we feel...And I can feel it more and more around me and in myself too...and I guess it's not just because I am aging :), but maybe because all this global effort for security has even led more to the "insecurity", and in "everything"...or maybe I am wrong, because we're told that we are much more secure than our ancestors...who knows?
I am sorry, but the word below might be rated R.
I apologize but I have to say it.
There are about 6 billion people all around the world and everyone one of us has our own story. So hearing about a man who killed his pregnant wife since he was in love with another sexy girl, or hearing about the girl who … can not be considered for all men and women. Otherwise I can tell you some love stories about loyal faithful husbands and wife and wrap it up. Every one of us has a special story. It is in our hands to make our story the way we want. We are the director and first actor of our story.
About … all the men turn around and look.
I wish I knew about the mall you are talking about if it is in Tehran, Dubai or USA.
But let’s talk very general.
Fact # 1:
You as a girl might not know but me as a man tell you that “it is man who explores the beauty of women”. In other words, beauty of girls attracts the men. It is part of nature (let’s not talk about why, how). If all men accept this fact then the rest will be easier.
If you (as a girl) go to a shopping mall in Tehran or Dubai, sometimes it is embarrassing. The sellers or men in mall almost want to eat you. What to say? If we as men are not educated to respect the beauty of girls, and all we translate out of your lovely faces is sex, then there is no wonder that we just turn our neck with every girl to other one. No wonder that we take the same habits in our marriage and daily life with our wife.
But if we see a lovely face (I should say every face is lovely but for now let’s stick to young girls) and translate this understanding (the joy of seeing a lovely face) to understanding the beauty, then it won’t be a problem even if we as men turn our head, make a smile and say a polite hi.
It is embarrassing that I am afraid to send my wife for shopping to mall alone in my own country. No matter what other people want to think about my wife, but I finally get frustrated of being under attention and she doesn’t like it either. But here in US, it has happened couple times that my wife came home from work and tell me that her colleague at work told her that she has beautiful eyes and I feel comfortable that she has a nice colleague at work. What I am trying to say is, first we have to understand the beauty, and second we have to learn to translate it correctly (in a human way).this learning is not a miracle and doesn’t happen overnight. It needs effort and exercise from both men and women.
Fact # 2:
I don’t know if you read my post “meeting day”. I am trying to have a better understating of beauty, tress, human, young, old. The trees are always beautiful, but it is unfortunate that we see their beauty just when they have beautiful leaves. It is the same as human. We think that just a young sexy fit girl is beautiful. I am not saying that it is wrong to be young, sexy and fit. But it is the first step of being beautiful. I myself can’t live more than a day in a palace with a dirty mind doesn’t matter how sexy and beautiful she is, but for sure many people can stay in a prison and enjoy their time by sharing their beautiful thought. What I am trying to say is, it is the human art to understand the beauty and all aspects and degree of it. That’s why many men are making a mistake between loving someone and picking a … from street. It is a tiny border and usually it is confused and mistaken.
Fact # 3:
Even if we just specify love and beauty by sex and assume there is nothing beyond that, I am sure many of us just know 5 to 10 minutes of sex. If somebody asks us to write about the sex and its feeling, we might need to think to remember it and we have one or two sentence to say. Do you think most of the people ever thought about their feeling while they have sex? Do you think they have ever studied and observed themselves during sex? If somebody asks us to write about the sex organism, we might not to be able to count more than 2 or 3 parts and at most we can talk about sizes and shape. That’s all we know. Even on this level, we are far from the beauty and complexity of the function and organism.
So we will end to this situation.
We are limiting our input and understanding of life to “sex and the city”.
We just see the beautiful sexy girl or boy in mall and street.
One day we will marry one of them or at least we stay for days or year with …
All we know (translate or learn) of love is 5 to 10 minutes sex.
After a year we are bored, tried of face, looking for something new
We are not trained to find the other aspect of beauty
We are not trained to translate different meaning of love
And in this situation, the easy way to escape is point the other side.
ah Bahar, I'm sorry to say that, but you're such an idiot.
Some times, when I am depress and tired I look in the mirrore for a long time and start to hate myself. and wonder why I dont have the perfect body or why I dont have time to have the best hair cut and dress style. and you know what? at all these moments my husband notice my thoughts come near the mirror , hold me then looking at me in the mirrore and say that he has the most beautiful wife on earth. and start to talk about the beauty of my eyes and hair color and then aske me to go for a long walk outside and it always make me feel good about myself. I know if oneday I become his chiled's mother he will love me more and we will have many many more things together.I know him very well and that's why I fell secure cuz I know I am one of the most important things in his life as he is in mine. we are a family. not just sex partners. I think family makes you feel secure.
as soudabeh said you are not delusinal you are just insecure honey.
Siamak,
Right back at ya!
I never said all men and women are the same.
I agree with Mehrdad and Niloofar that there are many wonderful committed partners in this world.
Every time I hear statistics such as 80% of men cheat, 50% of women cheat and 30% of marriages fall apart because of that, I get disappointed.
What really scares me is the unknown. The fact that everything starts with trust, but it may not always end so happilly!
your point of view bores me as hell that I wish I was gay. why don't you suggest the insurance companies to have a partner-cheating insurance? I'm sure that would make a perfect modern-society substitute for Mehrieh. And another labour insurance, for those who lose their body shape.
Btw, speaking of trade and politics, what happened in the election? Did you get into the city council?
I like to add that we all know you are mostly right Bahar. but we have to stay hopeful and keep our faith, right? life must go on.
I hope that I won't become a mother trapped in a loveless relationship. children need happy parents. I hope my partner don't leave me for the sexy secretary. I hope I don't leave him for the masculine gardener! let's keep our fingers crossed that we don't forget what's more important in those moments of basic human weakness.
let's be hopeful today. because there is no other choice. whatever happens tomorrow, we'll deal with it then.
BTW, watch Antonia's Line
http://imdb.com/title/tt0112379/
excellent movie.
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